For the last four weeks my husband has been away with work so it’s just been me ‘holding the fort’! This is all very normal in our house, he has to be away from home a lot as he is in the Air Force and for us it means deployments and lots of them. Some people just don’t understand why someone, especially a father of three, would do a job where they are away from home so much but the reason is really simple and obvious to us. Someone has to do it, someone has to go to Afghanistan so that you don’t. So you can live safely in your home with the freedom to spend your day doing what ever you feel like doing. With out our Defence Force being willing to be deployed to any country that they are needed, just take a moment to think what Australia could be like if we hadn’t continued to fight for what we have. The pic is the kids waiting for the taxi last night!
Once he is back home our family dynamic has to change back to a two parent house hold quickly and smoothly so the kids aren’t too disrupted. It’s really hard, when he goes away I have to take on all his roles and jobs that a man would normally do around the house. I go in to survival mode and do the best I can but it can be really draining let me tell you! Survival mode is hard to break once he is back, I still feel like a single parent for the first few days and it can be hard to hand back over the reins to the man of the house.
It’s all of a sudden strange to sit in the passenger seat when it’s been me driving all the time, or it can be hard when the kids all of a sudden say “I want Daddy!”. The transition period is hard but normal I’m sure, we have different expectations that sometimes cause head butts. I will get excited thinking I can finally sleep in now he’s home, and he will be having the same thought he can finally sleep in now he is home! Or I will think I am going to sit on my butt and he can make bottles and cook tea, while he will be thinking that he is home now it’s time to chill out on the couch!
We’ve done this now so many times that we know what to expect and how to get our flow back. It can be a hard transition that can’t be achieved in a day, it takes time and effort from both parties. You can’t expect your partner to just slip back in to life with out any hiccups, the longer the trip is the harder it can be. You can get through just about anything in life as long as you are aware of what it is you are getting through. The kids are fine, he’s fine it’s just me that takes a long time to adjust as survival mode is a strong state of mind and it can be very hard to turn off.
Renee
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Could not agree more. My hubby has recently just left for 3 mths.He has done it before and no doubt it will happen again. You try and keep things normal and routine but sometimes you just have to do what you can to survive. I have learnt to prioritise the important stuff and let other things slide a little. You are a super mum for even attempting to do it on your own and no one thinks any less of you if the lawns are mown every 2-3 weeks instead of every weekend. Handing the reins back is usally the most difficult as ‘the game’ has usually changed a bit since he left and I find it is sometimes easier to do it myself rather than try an explain it to him at that moment.
I knew I wasn’t alone, not many people get it but we do hey! Thanks for the comment! R
Definitely not alone 🙂
So many people ask me ‘How do you do it?’ ‘How do you cope with him away all the time?’ My answer is simple, ‘I have to.’ I knew what I as getting myself into when I married a defence member, moving house every few years and having him away alot always has been and always will part of the deal.